You could swear your words are clear as day,
but the other person just doesn’t seem to “get it.”
You both feel like screaming,
“You’re not listening to me!”
Many upsets and arguments start with NOT feeling heard and understood.
Spring renewal for our relationships starts with HOW WE LISTEN without reacting.
The POWER of Curiosity can shift us out of beging triggered into focusing on what matters most. Honing our attention by being curious keeps our “sane brain” on board so we can handle situations with our best self vs. our stressed self!
If you’d like to have happier relationships,
more love and less frustration…
join us for the Empathy Salon Saturday April 28th… where feeling heard and understood rocks!
Being heard and understood starts with 5 keys
which we’ll explore in the upcoming Empathy Salon Saturday April 28th.
1) Get Curious! Curiosity is like a super power for staying more calm, clear and focused on listening without needing to defend a certain point of view. When we stay in pure discovery mode- seeking to understand- we save ourselves from falling into flight, fight or freeze- the three enemies of clear communication.
2) Mindful Presence: Imagine being so present and grounded that nothing could perturb you. Holding an unshakeable mindset free of J.A.I. L- judgments, assumptions, interpretations and Labels is what this world needs more of! Olympic Athletes train their entire life to be in the zone -being super present with expanded awareness of every moment is essential to their peak performance. What if we could devote so much dedication to the quality of presence we create in our relationships?!
3) Intention to Connect: Do you wanna be right or do you wanna be happy? When you focus on choosing to understand more then be right…. You’re on the high road to be happy.
4) Discover Universal NEEDS/Values: When we focus our attention on identifying what matters most to ourselves and others at the most basic human level—kindness, respect, caring… for example, we steer clear of the pitfalls of the blame game and move towards each other with understanding and compassion.
5) Guessing to Connect: We make empathic guesses (verbally) to discover what the other person might be feeling and needing underneath their upset, frustration, or pain. With care we create a way for each person to be fully heard and understood. We feel closer, safer and respected when we feel “gotten.” We build trust and connection vs. fueling disconnection, upsets and misunderstandings.
Notice that the 1st four parts of Listening to understand – curiosity, presence, intention to connect, Universal needs– are SILENT. Hence, why we all need a PAUSE BUTTON, before we open our mouths!
Pause…breathe… get curious …ground in Presence (free of J.A.I.L,) … focus on connection to Universal Needs…
Listen long before you open your mouth and you’ll be amazed at how your relationships will spring into more ease, connection, respect, contentment and happiness. Join us for the Empathy Salon Saturday April 28th and get a head start on spring training for your relationships!